Posts Tagged ‘Kobe Bryant’

In today’s brave new dating world, does a memorable February 14th still lay solely at a man’s feet?


Maybe the lovely Mrs. Carter was on to something?  Just maybe…

Maybe when the recent Super Bowl seductress melodically asked on her last studio album “4”, who ran the world, she was actually right–Girls! 

Now why would I say this?  According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2011 women were paid 82.2 cents on the dollar for every dollar men recieved; and, of course, we all know America has never elected a female president or vice president (Stay tuned for 2016 though).


But with Valentine’s Day now safely in the rearview, a question came to me: Do women ever really worry about performing or meeting their mate’s expectations on Valentine’s like men do?  Hmm…  

With most men I’ve known, receiving high marks for a job ‘well done’ on the heartfelt holiday had become a sort of relationship Groundhog Day.  Let’s just say, if Punxsutawney Phil, er, Jill thought your gift was on point, then a man could easily find himself on the receiving end of the type of loving that made ‘BET Uncut’, well, uncut.  But if, for whatever reason, she felt you could have done better in any way, than your relationship could easily fall headfirst into a cold wintery slump, dooming you to a six week sentence of Kobe Bryant-esque making up.  Ughhh!


Deep down we never quite understood how one day could wield so much power over the other 364, but we DID KNOW that it ranked high in the halls of lady expectations, and, thus, ranked high in the hall of male anxiety. 

I mean, even though I’m currently single, like clockwork, I’ve had menopausal night sweats over the past few days about cupid’s annual ball buster money maker.

Even going back to my high school days, when just about all I knew about women came by way of short “Scared Straight”-type sex videos courtesy of my local Guilford Cty. school district, I panicked about possibly making the wrong call with a less than desirable gift.

We never quite understood how one day could wield so much power over the other 364

Reciting classic Black Sheep lyrics became my daily routine. “This or that,” I would ask myself.  “What would she think of this?” What gift spoke endearing words of love like Mint Condition’s ‘Pretty Brown Eyes’?  Which one said “I just want to diiiiiiiiiivvvve in!” like a Trey Songz’ track with excess yodeling?  Which would come off far too sensitive like an introspective track from Drake, whispering high-pitched falsetto murmurs like that of Robin Thicke or the Weekend in her ear?  It was the riddle that had no answer.

wddI can recall scouring aisles and aisles of merchandise at my local mall for the most eye-catching, smile-inducing plastic-wrapped assortment of scented lotions, perfumes, and soaps.  What was the better scent?  How was I to know?  Would a woman rather smell like Island cotton or Twilight Woods?  

Being able to single-handedly deduce whether one would rather smell like a time of day or exotic polo shirt was the last thing I thought I had signed up for.  Just the question alone, made me feel like my manhood had been stripped away from me for her private use and sadistic delight–a teenage lesson in imminent domain.  

Once I got older Valentine’s gained legs.  Bottles of plastic wrapped TSA-approved lotions and soaps soon graduated to 1-800 flowers orders, milk and honey baths, dinners at 4 star restaurants and late night reenactments of R. Kelly lyrics.  It honestly felt like a second annual birthday.  And it was shortly after that, that it occurred to me.


While I had been strengthening my romance muscle year after year, through trials and many more errors, many of my dates had not.  While I had been putting the finishing touches on my casanova routine each Black History Month, my girlfriends were chilling en la casa looking forward to what I had up my sleeve.

Now maybe I just have the luck of a meteor-dodging Russian, but many of my exes seemed to have the impression that bedroom action, and bedroom action alone, should suffice as a V Day gift.  And, well I didn’t; especially if she wasn’t at least rolling out some new move for the new 2005-2006 bedroom season.  I mean, just imagine if a guy sent a woman a naked photo of him for V Day that simply read, “Coming to a bedroom near you!”  One year, while in a long distance relationship, one of my exes actually just sent me an musical E-card for the holiday.  Terrible, right? It was the Valentine’s equivalent of the generic Father’s Day belt.

vdaygifts1I know there are ladies out there who specialize in romance almost as a second trade; but when you’ve dated several women who treat Valentine’s like black people treat Yom Kippur you start to rethink some things.

Personally, I believe V Day should be a day for all lovers regardless of gender.  Sure, men don’t want flowers or chocolate candy, but as a girlfriend/wife you should definitely know your man’s equivalent.  Trust me, men do want and appreciate a personal touch just as women do.        

But for the ladies who have no idea of what their man’s equivalent of flowers and candy might be, I’m sure he’ll accept the late night R. Kelly reenactments for now.  No problem, fellas lol! 


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