Posts Tagged ‘I Hate LA Dudes’

A long time ago in a land far, far away…a man once said, “He whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.”  In DC, however, a guy may needeth a GPS.


“Put your hands to the constellations                                                                                        The way you look should be a sin, you my sensation                                                            I know I’m preachin’ to the congregation                                                                               . We love Jesus but she done learned a lot from Satan.” — K. West 

After more time than it takes to elect a black President and much less than it will take Wale to convince me he’s a credible artist, I have somehow moseyed my way back to the DMV.  And booooyyyy, have things changed.

Following a four-year and some change hiatus: the Redskins are an “Any given Sunday” away from the playoffs; corners where Wales (the beltway version of Shawtys) once serenaded passersby with go-go music have been relieved by khaki-wearing, violin-playing white guys; U st. looks less like Chuck Brown and more like Chuck Norris; and the White House has black kids playing in the backyard on a regular basis!  Pretty dramatic, huh?

TH08-DOG_US_OBAMA__1261728fBut no matter the city’s number of new skyward condominiums, row house renovations or “under construction” signs seen dangling all across the former “Chocolate City” like urban xmas ornaments, one thing has survived my down south sabbatical–its one of a kind women.

For those unfamiliar with the regional, largely migrant, undomesticated species of woman commonly known to roam the terrain of our nation’s capital, let me define it for you:

          D.C. chick (noun): — pronounced dee • cee chihk

1. the cinematic love child of Gabrielle Union’s character from Deliver Us from Eva and Taraji Henson’s character from Think Like A Man (See Omarosa); a taste for the extravagant like Trinidad James who outwardly idolizes Michelle Obama but secretly envies the lifestyles of the Basketball Wives.

2. Also see indifferent; and all episodes of “What Chili Wants”

Trinidad_James_All_Gold_Errythang-front-largeFor a better illustration, take an encounter I had at a lounge downtown.  I was suited up–feeling great, feeling good–conversing with a young woman that had all the characteristics from afar that her last name might be Huxtable, when I was interrupted mid-sentence by her girlfriend.

“What’s your name?” the woman said, carelessly flipping her hair away from her face.  She was manicured, as they usually are, accompanied by tall heels and an air that seemed to suggest entitlement.

“I’m Curtis.  And you are…?”  She gave no response; only a head-to-toe then toe-to-head ocular exam usually reserved for newborns and perps in windowless rooms on Law & Order: SVU.

“Soooo, Curtisss,” she said, with all the benevolence a royal might bestow upon a town peasant.  “Are you educated?”

[**Record scratches**]

Taken aback by her comment that seemed more befitting of a Roots trilogy than any casual happy hour conversation, (like Key & Peele) I looked this woman dead in the eye sockets of her soul, and said…

Hold on a second…[ looks both ways ]

I said…well, not really, but you know what I would have said!

Seeing as how I was outnumbered and have seen wayyy too many VH1 reality show reunions, I salvaged what bit of gentleman-ness I had left in my personal reserves and replied, “Umm…come again?”

You see for so long the conventional dating wisdom in D.C. has been based on pure math and math alone: un male with degree + mucho females with degrees + mucho females with degrees = Don’t stop, pop that, don’t stop! (aka a French Montana rap video-styled) dating scene for said male.  Only thing, this narrative, much like French Montana’s rapping career, couldn’t be any more misleading.


In a city where, according to a 2009 Pew Research study, a woman has almost as good of a chance of getting a ring as a Hobbit, there is an assumption that men, being men, are clinging to their bachelor statuses for dear life and simply denying women any sort of companionship.  When in reality, instead of trying their luck in the relationship realm–many women dissatisfied with their options are echoing the sentiments of Sweet Brown memes–opting to invest their energies into pursuits they have more control over like their own careers or OWN networks.

With a generous male to female ratio, one would think D.C. had all the makings of some sort of matrimonial promised land for men; but men, too, have a low marriage percentage of just 28%.


So is dating in D.C. really as taxing as it sounds?  Well…I have heard some compare it to urban terrorism.  But like dating in any other city, D.C. is bound to have its flaws, right?

So whether you hate L.A. Dudes en masse like Issa Rae or D.C. Chicks, I think we all should be more committed to discovering positives within everyone.

And as for me, with the median first marriage age for men in the district at 32, I seem to be right on schedule for a new facebook relationship status.  But, in the meantime, if it does take a little longer than expected–lucky for me I’m educated.

Here’s a peek at the much discussed new show from Issa Rae set for early 2013:

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See you on Dec. 28th for my next post “The Male Biological Clock, Yes, Men have them too”…. 

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