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Posts Tagged ‘dating’

 

Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube channel so you don’t miss any upcoming tales. Episode 3 COMING SOON!!!

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Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube channel so you don’t miss any upcoming tales. Episode 2, “Cutthroat Convo” is COMING SOON!!!

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Ever wonder what its REALLY like for single guys out on the dating scene?

Well wonder no more – the new series, DC Tales is on the way!!! The hilarious new series about dating told totally from the male’s point of view is finally here!  The series will feature reenactments of those challenging and most awkward moments taken from REAL life dates in the DMV gone horrible wrong. For so long ladies have asked why do men do this and why do men do that, well now see it for yourself. Go inside a man’s head, and maybe learn why some of your own dating experiences have turned out the way they have.

P.S. Be sure to subscribe to the “Ashfordjthomastv” channel on Youtube so you don’t miss one episode.

 

STAY TUNED!!!

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What do you get when you mix Hill Harper with Chris Rock? No idea? Well, men neither but here is the first inaugural episode of Note 2 Self. ENJOY!!!

P.S. Be sure to subscribe to the “Crown Thomas” channel on Youtube so you don’t miss one episode.

 

 

 

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With the new year upon us, many women are noticing a disturbing, new trend brewing among men at a ‘Happy Hour’ nearest you…

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Though it may be tempting — this time you most certainly can’t blame the black guy.

If my selective testosterone-induced memory serves me correctly, it all began somewhere around the fall of 1993 B.C. (short for Before Carrie Bradshaw of Sex & the City fame). 

Back then things were simple: As far as we knew Gina still loved Martin; Clinton was the ‘Black’-est President to grace the Oval office; no one had smartphones so daters actually had to painstakingly describe how they felt for one another without the use of emoticons; and Arsenio Hall was the undisputed king of late night. (And, in case I forget to mention…he’s baaaaack.)

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It was that same year the names Khadijah James and Maxine “Max” Shaw became permanently etched in the annals of 1990s pop culture; and, in 1998, after echoing across urban living room spaces for five seasons like plastic wrap wrapped around Black matriarchal couches, it was essentially a rap.  By that point, everything that was anything had in essence been turned on its proverbial ear.  And ever since then there has simply been no turning back for this generation’s male/female relations.

(**For those 25 and under, I’m referencing the hit 90s TV show Living Single–the lesser known pop culture precursor to Girlfriends and Sex and the City series.**)

Khadijah James, played by the inimitable Queen Latifah aka Cleo, was the editor and publisher of ‘Flavor’ mag, an urban independent monthly.  And Max Shaw, played by the Cosby Show’s Erika Alexander, was the quick-witted, sharp-tongued attorney and best friend from Howard University.

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On so many levels the show was a new frontier for TV, and these two women were its Captain Kirk and Mister Spock.  Never before had (Black) America witnessed young women, let alone black women, single yet dating, taking charge and making moves (and dare I say “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T”), forging ahead on their own terms without the aid of a boyfriend, husband or Huxtable. 

Now in my younger days, the thought of a woman being CEO of her own life was a no brainer.  Why shouldn’t any woman be able to pursue her own dreams, OWN Network, and shape her own life as she see fit?  Isn’t that what men were supposedly doing?

To me, any nod to the contrary seemed terribly anachronistic, abundantly anti-American, or a unhealthy recipe for what I suspect it would feel like to be Stevie J. on the set of ‘The View’ after the first season of Love & Hip Hop aired: Michael Jackson Dangerous.

But after a couple of decades and Sex & the City movies later, I’m honestly afraid that what was once thought of as a step in the right direction years ago: i.e. the idea of a little scripted show depicting the lives of young, urban professional ‘single women’ has unfortunately — like VH1’s current primetime programming — come back to haunt today’s women.

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For those on the dating scene in 2013 A.D. (short for After Darnell, the embattled and outnumbered husband of Maya Wilkes on the show Girlfriends), the social gender snow ball of Living Single, Sex & the City, Girlfriends, and now Single Ladies has fundamentally changed the dating landscape.  Today, many men like Darnell have grown accustomed to a more proactive and emotionally aggressive female: one that wants things but doesn’t necessarily seem to be sure what those things are or in what order but definitely WANTS THINGS.

hjklhAnd this new phenomenon has given way to a new class of males,  ones (though not all) that have been groomed to be more accepting and expecting of a woman being a go-getter in almost all areas of modern life.  So as a consequence many guys have receded from the traditional male approach and their best Charlie Wilson pick-up impersonations like, “Hey girl, how you doin?  My name is ______, last name ______ ” leaving female daters to have to get the ball rolling on their own if they so choose.

But instead of welcoming this new found freedom to pursue a less burdensome love life, one with less commercial breaks from random suitors (that used to annoy them), several ladies like a few of my female friends seem to be turned off that today’s dating is requiring more personal effort.  Some have even been led to believe nonsense like “men are lazy” or my favorite, “men of today are just intimidated by strong women” lol!  What they fail to see is that men are neither “lazy” nor “intimidated” but have adapted.

Like the giraffes of the African wild, men have adjusted their necks to survive in their new environment.  And why?  Well, because in the jungle, the mighty jungle, men are facing a new breed of woman that doesn’t necessary believe in the ‘Lion King’ anymore but Lion co-Kings.

  

Understandably, many males no longer see the need to spend half of their night gambling, approaching female after female, until ONE woman is not only interested but single and emotionally open for business as their predecessors once did.  The changing gender dynamic has made men more concise with their time, questioning time spent approaching larger groups of women, when more than likely the one who is interested and probably willing to engage in something strange for a small piece of change will undoubtedly make herself known through a lingering eye or seductive walk to the bar.

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Now I can understand if this new reality is frustrating for single women, especially the more traditional ones. But the next time you’re out at a bar or lounge, and feel the men are once again acting indifferent, instead of getting mad at the fellas for eyeballing you from afar — just ask yourself WWJD: What Would Joan Clayton Do?

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A long time ago in a land far, far away…a man once said, “He whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.”  In DC, however, a guy may needeth a GPS.

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“Put your hands to the constellations                                                                                        The way you look should be a sin, you my sensation                                                            I know I’m preachin’ to the congregation                                                                               . We love Jesus but she done learned a lot from Satan.” — K. West 

After more time than it takes to elect a black President and much less than it will take Wale to convince me he’s a credible artist, I have somehow moseyed my way back to the DMV.  And booooyyyy, have things changed.

Following a four-year and some change hiatus: the Redskins are an “Any given Sunday” away from the playoffs; corners where Wales (the beltway version of Shawtys) once serenaded passersby with go-go music have been relieved by khaki-wearing, violin-playing white guys; U st. looks less like Chuck Brown and more like Chuck Norris; and the White House has black kids playing in the backyard on a regular basis!  Pretty dramatic, huh?

TH08-DOG_US_OBAMA__1261728fBut no matter the city’s number of new skyward condominiums, row house renovations or “under construction” signs seen dangling all across the former “Chocolate City” like urban xmas ornaments, one thing has survived my down south sabbatical–its one of a kind women.

For those unfamiliar with the regional, largely migrant, undomesticated species of woman commonly known to roam the terrain of our nation’s capital, let me define it for you:

          D.C. chick (noun): — pronounced dee • cee chihk

1. the cinematic love child of Gabrielle Union’s character from Deliver Us from Eva and Taraji Henson’s character from Think Like A Man (See Omarosa); a taste for the extravagant like Trinidad James who outwardly idolizes Michelle Obama but secretly envies the lifestyles of the Basketball Wives.

2. Also see indifferent; and all episodes of “What Chili Wants”

Trinidad_James_All_Gold_Errythang-front-largeFor a better illustration, take an encounter I had at a lounge downtown.  I was suited up–feeling great, feeling good–conversing with a young woman that had all the characteristics from afar that her last name might be Huxtable, when I was interrupted mid-sentence by her girlfriend.

“What’s your name?” the woman said, carelessly flipping her hair away from her face.  She was manicured, as they usually are, accompanied by tall heels and an air that seemed to suggest entitlement.

“I’m Curtis.  And you are…?”  She gave no response; only a head-to-toe then toe-to-head ocular exam usually reserved for newborns and perps in windowless rooms on Law & Order: SVU.

“Soooo, Curtisss,” she said, with all the benevolence a royal might bestow upon a town peasant.  “Are you educated?”

[**Record scratches**]

Taken aback by her comment that seemed more befitting of a Roots trilogy than any casual happy hour conversation, (like Key & Peele) I looked this woman dead in the eye sockets of her soul, and said…

Hold on a second…[ looks both ways ]

I said…well, not really, but you know what I would have said!

Seeing as how I was outnumbered and have seen wayyy too many VH1 reality show reunions, I salvaged what bit of gentleman-ness I had left in my personal reserves and replied, “Umm…come again?”

You see for so long the conventional dating wisdom in D.C. has been based on pure math and math alone: un male with degree + mucho females with degrees + mucho females with degrees = Don’t stop, pop that, don’t stop! (aka a French Montana rap video-styled) dating scene for said male.  Only thing, this narrative, much like French Montana’s rapping career, couldn’t be any more misleading.

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In a city where, according to a 2009 Pew Research study, a woman has almost as good of a chance of getting a ring as a Hobbit, there is an assumption that men, being men, are clinging to their bachelor statuses for dear life and simply denying women any sort of companionship.  When in reality, instead of trying their luck in the relationship realm–many women dissatisfied with their options are echoing the sentiments of Sweet Brown memes–opting to invest their energies into pursuits they have more control over like their own careers or OWN networks.

With a generous male to female ratio, one would think D.C. had all the makings of some sort of matrimonial promised land for men; but men, too, have a low marriage percentage of just 28%.

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So is dating in D.C. really as taxing as it sounds?  Well…I have heard some compare it to urban terrorism.  But like dating in any other city, D.C. is bound to have its flaws, right?

So whether you hate L.A. Dudes en masse like Issa Rae or D.C. Chicks, I think we all should be more committed to discovering positives within everyone.

And as for me, with the median first marriage age for men in the district at 32, I seem to be right on schedule for a new facebook relationship status.  But, in the meantime, if it does take a little longer than expected–lucky for me I’m educated.

Here’s a peek at the much discussed new show from Issa Rae set for early 2013:

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See you on Dec. 28th for my next post “The Male Biological Clock, Yes, Men have them too”…. 

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