Posts Tagged ‘dating’


Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube channel so you don’t miss any upcoming tales. Episode 3 COMING SOON!!!


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Make sure you subscribe to our Youtube channel so you don’t miss any upcoming tales. Episode 2, “Cutthroat Convo” is COMING SOON!!!

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Ever wonder what its REALLY like for single guys out on the dating scene?

Well wonder no more – the new series, DC Tales is on the way!!! The hilarious new series about dating told totally from the male’s point of view is finally here!  The series will feature reenactments of those challenging and most awkward moments taken from REAL life dates in the DMV gone horrible wrong. For so long ladies have asked why do men do this and why do men do that, well now see it for yourself. Go inside a man’s head, and maybe learn why some of your own dating experiences have turned out the way they have.

P.S. Be sure to subscribe to the “Ashfordjthomastv” channel on Youtube so you don’t miss one episode.



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What do you get when you mix Hill Harper with Chris Rock? No idea? Well, men neither but here is the first inaugural episode of Note 2 Self. ENJOY!!!

P.S. Be sure to subscribe to the “Crown Thomas” channel on Youtube so you don’t miss one episode.




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With the new year upon us, many women are noticing a disturbing, new trend brewing among men at a ‘Happy Hour’ nearest you…


Though it may be tempting — this time you most certainly can’t blame the black guy.

If my selective testosterone-induced memory serves me correctly, it all began somewhere around the fall of 1993 B.C. (short for Before Carrie Bradshaw of Sex & the City fame). 

Back then things were simple: As far as we knew Gina still loved Martin; Clinton was the ‘Black’-est President to grace the Oval office; no one had smartphones so daters actually had to painstakingly describe how they felt for one another without the use of emoticons; and Arsenio Hall was the undisputed king of late night. (And, in case I forget to mention…he’s baaaaack.)


It was that same year the names Khadijah James and Maxine “Max” Shaw became permanently etched in the annals of 1990s pop culture; and, in 1998, after echoing across urban living room spaces for five seasons like plastic wrap wrapped around Black matriarchal couches, it was essentially a rap.  By that point, everything that was anything had in essence been turned on its proverbial ear.  And ever since then there has simply been no turning back for this generation’s male/female relations.

(**For those 25 and under, I’m referencing the hit 90s TV show Living Single–the lesser known pop culture precursor to Girlfriends and Sex and the City series.**)

Khadijah James, played by the inimitable Queen Latifah aka Cleo, was the editor and publisher of ‘Flavor’ mag, an urban independent monthly.  And Max Shaw, played by the Cosby Show’s Erika Alexander, was the quick-witted, sharp-tongued attorney and best friend from Howard University.


On so many levels the show was a new frontier for TV, and these two women were its Captain Kirk and Mister Spock.  Never before had (Black) America witnessed young women, let alone black women, single yet dating, taking charge and making moves (and dare I say “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T”), forging ahead on their own terms without the aid of a boyfriend, husband or Huxtable. 

Now in my younger days, the thought of a woman being CEO of her own life was a no brainer.  Why shouldn’t any woman be able to pursue her own dreams, OWN Network, and shape her own life as she see fit?  Isn’t that what men were supposedly doing?

To me, any nod to the contrary seemed terribly anachronistic, abundantly anti-American, or a unhealthy recipe for what I suspect it would feel like to be Stevie J. on the set of ‘The View’ after the first season of Love & Hip Hop aired: Michael Jackson Dangerous.

But after a couple of decades and Sex & the City movies later, I’m honestly afraid that what was once thought of as a step in the right direction years ago: i.e. the idea of a little scripted show depicting the lives of young, urban professional ‘single women’ has unfortunately — like VH1’s current primetime programming — come back to haunt today’s women.


For those on the dating scene in 2013 A.D. (short for After Darnell, the embattled and outnumbered husband of Maya Wilkes on the show Girlfriends), the social gender snow ball of Living Single, Sex & the City, Girlfriends, and now Single Ladies has fundamentally changed the dating landscape.  Today, many men like Darnell have grown accustomed to a more proactive and emotionally aggressive female: one that wants things but doesn’t necessarily seem to be sure what those things are or in what order but definitely WANTS THINGS.

hjklhAnd this new phenomenon has given way to a new class of males,  ones (though not all) that have been groomed to be more accepting and expecting of a woman being a go-getter in almost all areas of modern life.  So as a consequence many guys have receded from the traditional male approach and their best Charlie Wilson pick-up impersonations like, “Hey girl, how you doin?  My name is ______, last name ______ ” leaving female daters to have to get the ball rolling on their own if they so choose.

But instead of welcoming this new found freedom to pursue a less burdensome love life, one with less commercial breaks from random suitors (that used to annoy them), several ladies like a few of my female friends seem to be turned off that today’s dating is requiring more personal effort.  Some have even been led to believe nonsense like “men are lazy” or my favorite, “men of today are just intimidated by strong women” lol!  What they fail to see is that men are neither “lazy” nor “intimidated” but have adapted.

Like the giraffes of the African wild, men have adjusted their necks to survive in their new environment.  And why?  Well, because in the jungle, the mighty jungle, men are facing a new breed of woman that doesn’t necessary believe in the ‘Lion King’ anymore but Lion co-Kings.


Understandably, many males no longer see the need to spend half of their night gambling, approaching female after female, until ONE woman is not only interested but single and emotionally open for business as their predecessors once did.  The changing gender dynamic has made men more concise with their time, questioning time spent approaching larger groups of women, when more than likely the one who is interested and probably willing to engage in something strange for a small piece of change will undoubtedly make herself known through a lingering eye or seductive walk to the bar.


Now I can understand if this new reality is frustrating for single women, especially the more traditional ones. But the next time you’re out at a bar or lounge, and feel the men are once again acting indifferent, instead of getting mad at the fellas for eyeballing you from afar — just ask yourself WWJD: What Would Joan Clayton Do?

You can follow me on the Zuckerberg book @ http://www.facebook.com/HesGottaHaveItBlog?ref=hl, http://www.GoodLooknout.com, and on Twitter @hesgot2haveit

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A long time ago in a land far, far away…a man once said, “He whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing.”  In DC, however, a guy may needeth a GPS.


“Put your hands to the constellations                                                                                        The way you look should be a sin, you my sensation                                                            I know I’m preachin’ to the congregation                                                                               . We love Jesus but she done learned a lot from Satan.” — K. West 

After more time than it takes to elect a black President and much less than it will take Wale to convince me he’s a credible artist, I have somehow moseyed my way back to the DMV.  And booooyyyy, have things changed.

Following a four-year and some change hiatus: the Redskins are an “Any given Sunday” away from the playoffs; corners where Wales (the beltway version of Shawtys) once serenaded passersby with go-go music have been relieved by khaki-wearing, violin-playing white guys; U st. looks less like Chuck Brown and more like Chuck Norris; and the White House has black kids playing in the backyard on a regular basis!  Pretty dramatic, huh?

TH08-DOG_US_OBAMA__1261728fBut no matter the city’s number of new skyward condominiums, row house renovations or “under construction” signs seen dangling all across the former “Chocolate City” like urban xmas ornaments, one thing has survived my down south sabbatical–its one of a kind women.

For those unfamiliar with the regional, largely migrant, undomesticated species of woman commonly known to roam the terrain of our nation’s capital, let me define it for you:

          D.C. chick (noun): — pronounced dee • cee chihk

1. the cinematic love child of Gabrielle Union’s character from Deliver Us from Eva and Taraji Henson’s character from Think Like A Man (See Omarosa); a taste for the extravagant like Trinidad James who outwardly idolizes Michelle Obama but secretly envies the lifestyles of the Basketball Wives.

2. Also see indifferent; and all episodes of “What Chili Wants”

Trinidad_James_All_Gold_Errythang-front-largeFor a better illustration, take an encounter I had at a lounge downtown.  I was suited up–feeling great, feeling good–conversing with a young woman that had all the characteristics from afar that her last name might be Huxtable, when I was interrupted mid-sentence by her girlfriend.

“What’s your name?” the woman said, carelessly flipping her hair away from her face.  She was manicured, as they usually are, accompanied by tall heels and an air that seemed to suggest entitlement.

“I’m Curtis.  And you are…?”  She gave no response; only a head-to-toe then toe-to-head ocular exam usually reserved for newborns and perps in windowless rooms on Law & Order: SVU.

“Soooo, Curtisss,” she said, with all the benevolence a royal might bestow upon a town peasant.  “Are you educated?”

[**Record scratches**]

Taken aback by her comment that seemed more befitting of a Roots trilogy than any casual happy hour conversation, (like Key & Peele) I looked this woman dead in the eye sockets of her soul, and said…

Hold on a second…[ looks both ways ]

I said…well, not really, but you know what I would have said!

Seeing as how I was outnumbered and have seen wayyy too many VH1 reality show reunions, I salvaged what bit of gentleman-ness I had left in my personal reserves and replied, “Umm…come again?”

You see for so long the conventional dating wisdom in D.C. has been based on pure math and math alone: un male with degree + mucho females with degrees + mucho females with degrees = Don’t stop, pop that, don’t stop! (aka a French Montana rap video-styled) dating scene for said male.  Only thing, this narrative, much like French Montana’s rapping career, couldn’t be any more misleading.


In a city where, according to a 2009 Pew Research study, a woman has almost as good of a chance of getting a ring as a Hobbit, there is an assumption that men, being men, are clinging to their bachelor statuses for dear life and simply denying women any sort of companionship.  When in reality, instead of trying their luck in the relationship realm–many women dissatisfied with their options are echoing the sentiments of Sweet Brown memes–opting to invest their energies into pursuits they have more control over like their own careers or OWN networks.

With a generous male to female ratio, one would think D.C. had all the makings of some sort of matrimonial promised land for men; but men, too, have a low marriage percentage of just 28%.


So is dating in D.C. really as taxing as it sounds?  Well…I have heard some compare it to urban terrorism.  But like dating in any other city, D.C. is bound to have its flaws, right?

So whether you hate L.A. Dudes en masse like Issa Rae or D.C. Chicks, I think we all should be more committed to discovering positives within everyone.

And as for me, with the median first marriage age for men in the district at 32, I seem to be right on schedule for a new facebook relationship status.  But, in the meantime, if it does take a little longer than expected–lucky for me I’m educated.

Here’s a peek at the much discussed new show from Issa Rae set for early 2013:

Want more HGHI? Become a fan of HGHI on facebook and follow me on twitter @Hesgot2haveit

See you on Dec. 28th for my next post “The Male Biological Clock, Yes, Men have them too”…. 

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Is it just me, or does EVERY election season nowadays seem to be a lightning rod for almost any and every person with the least possible discernment?

Before you go guessing, no I’m not referring to Mitt Romney’s late August Political Roast in Tampa headlined by the dark comedy duo of Eastwood n’ chair, or the latest ploy by her pinkness, Ms. Minaj, to stay relevant by endorsing the GOP on wax (Note: the threats on Mariah’s life happened afterwards, it’s hard to keep up with foolishness, you know) or the random former ‘Clueless’ star’s clueless come-to-Romney revelation on twitter abound with sexual innuendos (proving once again, you can take the girl off of VH1, but you can never take the VH1 off of the girl). 

I am talking about the thousands of voters across the nation who still have yet to psychologically pull the lever for a presidential candidate with only T-minus 24 days left till election day.

To the media, they are the highly esteemed and pivotal UNDECIDEDS, but after millions of dollars spent on ads by both camps, thousands of rally/yard signs printed, hundreds of televised interviews, two party conventions and one presidential debate in the rearview, many like HBO funnyman Bill Maher are now calling them by their more scientific name: low information voters

Political scientists define low information voters as the

less sophisticated, poorly informed voters who often vote against their best interests based on rumors, stereotypes, and other less rationale factors.  

In layman’s terms, they are the electoral love child of the many folks who consistently make Repo Games so deliciously addictive, mixed with the invitees from the movie Dinner for Schmucks.

Per Maher, the fate of our very republic is in the hands of Mensa members like: Nadya Suleman aka OctoMom and Kanye’s better, more thoroughly videotaped, half reality starlet Kim Kardashian.

Now, if any of this seems disturbing to you, then good, it should be; but have you noticed that when it comes to dating many of us are no more sophisticated?  Simply put, many of us would be classified as low information daters. 

When choosing whether or not to date someone, many of us routinely stereotype and give credence to some of the most lowbrow things like astrology, swag, induction into a brother/sister fraternity, or whether random people on facebook feel we’ll look cute together (I can hear it now, look at the Alpha/AKA power couple, ugh!).  Also, many more of us are just not as observant as we think, overlooking cues that are practically staring us in the face.

Take for instance, a situation an old college friend of mine had.  She was 29 at the time, a virgin, and had been dating a guy long distance for a few months.  Though dating long distance wasn’t really her thing, she went along with it because she kinda met him through her sister.  Well, as time went on she was glad she had given him a chance, because in her words, he was “doing all the right things” — he was nice, well-mannered, gainfully employed, and came to see her like clockwork despite them being 6 1/2 hours apart.

Only one problem, she was claiming this guy, calling him her boyfriend and had never seen where he lived.  I thought it was essential information, but she felt it would happen in due time.  After some more months of seamless dating, she decided to collect the interest on her near 30-year old chastity belt and turn in her V-card for Delta frequent flyer miles and other relationship cash prizes.  And lo and behold, not too long afterwards, she found out he was married. 

And after a brief estrogen-induced investigation, she discovered that he not only owned a house with his wife, but she had been living there with him the whole time!  I told her, no offense, but did you ever wonder why a guy might be so willing to drive 6 1/2 hours to see you from Atlanta; the black mecca, and former land of Freaknik and blessed home of Magic City?  And, (in my Andre 3000 voice) why would you ever, ever ever, ever ever, elevate a guy to bf status without first seeing where and how he lived? At least make the man work for the lie.

She had no answer and got off the phone irritated.

See my friends, though many of us have already reached or are within reach of our own slice of pie a la Americana–

          1) the debt/degree from such and such college/university

          2) the car with individualized tags to needlessly remind passersby your a ‘BOSS’ or a ‘DIVA’,

          3) the house or condo in a somewhat secure zipcode (or studio if you live in NYC),

          4) and kids named for some weird, smorgasbord blend of you and your child’s father’s name that sounds more like a celebrity couple than a live human being (like Chrihanna or Kimye)

–many of us have the most difficult time accepting the fact that we could come so far in life and still remain so naive when dealing with the opposite sex.  

For the ladies, (in my PSA voice) if your longest relationship to date is easily your worst then you may be a low information dater.  And fellas, if your dating life seems to strangely resemble an episode of the Oxygen channel’s hit show “Snapped” in any way then you know the rest…

We continually date and give to those that don’t serve our interests. We tell ourselves that if we just stick to our lil’ portable checklists of do’s & don’ts, we’ll be fine. But by now, we should know that when the heart is truly up and running it has a tendency to blur lines.  Hope can replace reality and fantasy becomes fate.

So, we can all act shocked and appalled over RiRi signing on for another season of the Chrihanna saga, or Evelyn diving head first (no pun intended) into the shallow end of love; but these stories aren’t just headlines but snippets of our own lives.  There will never be a perfect partner or precise questionnaire to find him/her; but if we all just pull back and breathe, maybe check a few references (just a thought), make sure all the exes are still alive, then hopefully we could avoid such tragedies and maybe become just as good in picking a partner as we are at picking a President. But, till then, let’s just agree to vote for Obama, and figure out the rest later.

Till next time, my damies…

As old folks say, you can follow me on the Twitter @hesgot2haveit


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