Archive for the ‘Interracial Dating’ Category

 DID you know that when the average black man thinks of prominent black male interracial daters, he probably only thinks of the following people: O.J. Simpson, Tiger Woods, Michael Jackson, Ice T, Taye Diggs, Kobe, and possibly Kanye West.  Well, that is of course, if you consider Armenian to be greater than or equal to Caucasian.

However, if you were to ask a black woman who comes to mind when she thinks of prominent black male interracial daters, she may mention all of the following: the entire NBA and NFL, any brother with more than one degree, every black man to put a rap album out in the past 20 or some odd years with the exception of Jay-Z and the members of the Roots band, oh, and DEFINITELY, Kanye West.

With perceptions of what black men are doing and not doing existing almost in separate worlds between the two genders, it’s no wonder the answer to “why” they are doing what they are doing has never been fully understood.

Well, hopefully until now…

There are two main reasons black men date outside their race.  The first is simple (and one you’ve probably heard more than a million and one times) and the other more layered and complex.

First, it’s because most men have a Neil Armstrong complex.  Most of us are natural hunters and undercover conquerors.  We derive our manhood mostly from planting our flag and metaphorically “going where no man has gone before;” and aside from a few preferences in weight and ashiness, we all have an innate curiosity (keyword curiosity, and not certainty) to experience almost any and every race, shape, and age of woman 18 and above before we die.

Now before you bite your lip and start to curse under your breath that you’ve known all along that no man could ever be faithful, let me remind you of one thing.  This potentially philandering complex we have as men, is actually just the flip side of what most women covet above most other qualities in a man.  This “Indiana Jones Instinct” to uncover treasures in new worlds and undiscovered lands both black and non-black, is the siamese twin of a man’s “ambition.”  You simply can’t expect a man to have the audacity of Obama, swag of Diddy, and self-assurance of Yeezy, but then expect none of that drive and determination to spill over into the other parts of his life in some way.

The second and more layered reason, is that all black men have a deep and uncontrollable urge held over from slavery to taste the virtuous flower that is the white woman.  Umm… I hope you didn’t believe that.  But if you “Google” some female bloggers on this topic, you may run across diagnoses such as this being perpetrated as factual knowledge.  It’s not only untrue, but severely damaging to gender relations to let things like this circulate uncontested.

Now the more honest reason is because for some black men its really all they’ve ever known.  They’ve been the minority of the minority mostly all their lives, going to schools and living in exclusive neighborhoods with so few people of color that even the Asian men were asked to join the football team.  Frankly, they don’t hate black women, but due to their socioeconomic upbringing the only black women they ever really became familiar with or had regular contact with shared their last name.  And honestly, if a brother refers to himself as “Cablinasian” rather than Black, it should tell you right there that the real issue is really more so one of confusion than any disregard for black women.

For others, more often than not (especially, the more professional ones) they just don’t always have the best track records with black women, nor do they always feel themselves to be the preferred type of black man (that being the more thuggish-looking with a benz or 6’3+ and NBA bound).  Whereas in other cases, guys may feel that there is more acceptance and peace that is more easily achieved with women of other races.  You know how it’s illegal to yell “Fire!” in a crowded movie theater?  Well, try yelling “SUBMISSIVE!” in a room full of black females.  To men, an inner peace in a woman is almost as important as that initial attraction.  And in a moment in time where the general public has been fed a steady stream of TV shows displaying grown, (and sometimes well educated) black women screaming, pulling hair, cursing, and fighting to no end among other things that would easily cause any black man to be arrested on the spot, it definitely doesn’t help change what many brothers have been thinking for years.

So do men typically like their women smaller?  Yes.  It helps a woman look more feminine in our eyes.  Do we like women with longer hair more times than not?  Yes, again.  It makes a woman appear more youthful.  But overall, though we may date women of other races to see what’s out there, a lot of times we only settle down with those ladies (black or whoever) who will let us be ourselves and can let their hair down and maybe even be spontaneous enough to get it wet without reenacting a scene from a Basketball Wives season reunion.

So if after all this, you still find yourself hopelessly clamoring for those guys with twitter handles that read @I_AM_(fill in the blank) like Diddy, don’t forget– though he had kids with Kim Porter, he almost married J.Lo.  And if you somehow still believe that a big “Ego” like Kanye is the true mark of a “real” man, like the kind Beyonce once bellowed about, then hopefully you’ll think twice and remember–regardless if you believe Kim K. to be white or not, she definitely ain’t black.

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